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Rope-a-dope soap

by David High

Last year I received an e-mail from a friend of mine who had an unsettling story about his holiday visit to his relatives’ home. Since it is that time of year, once again, I feel obligated to relay it to all my fellow males out there. It seems he and his wife were visiting his wife’s parents and after a long drive, he decided to shower up to refresh himself in the in-laws guest bathroom. That’s where the trouble started. He made the bonehead move of drying himself off after his shower. That was the unsetting part, the fool dried himself off.

As he came out of the bathroom his wife in a horrified voice said: “You didn’t use the good towels did you? “Good towels?” he replied.

This is a mistake many guys will make. They come out of the shower dripping wet, and like a complete fool, they grab the nearest towel.  Wrong, caveman breath! My friend’s wife pointed out that those towels were the guest towels; he was not supposed to use THOSE towels. The towels he was suppose to use were the ones hidden somewhere in the bedroom. To compound the problem, he also used the matching guest soap that was innocently sitting in the guest soap dish. This of course ruins both the guest towels and the guest soap, which are defined as things guests are NOT supposed to use.

Guys can easily be critical of this thinking by comparing it to, let’s say, a guy fixing something around the house. Suppose he asks someone to hand him a wrench off the workbench. The person goes over to the wrenches and starts to grab one and the guy yells, “Not those, those are for decoration only!”

All males out there should be warned that these types of guest bedrooms will be chock full of decorative-only items. The most confusing and complex of which will be the guest bed. The bed will be heavily layered with a quilt, matching bed cover and dust ruffle. There will be piles of inviting color coordinated pillows all over. If any of you males encounter such a bed do not touch it. Slowly back out of the room and lay down in the hallway until you wife or a licensed interior decorator can deconstruct it for actual sleeping purposes.

I know there must be a logical reason women do this type of thing. I just don’t have any idea what it could possibly be. None of this is about logic however: it is about proper behavior. We males don’t understand this type of proper behavior or etiquette because, of course, we are idiots.

So, I urge all fellow males out there to never touch any guest items when visiting. And for heavens sake do not blow your nose on anything in the guest room.

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