This is Fred, the tragic victim of gender assumption. By the time we discovered she was a girl, we were all used to the name Fred. Fred’s favorite activities are hurling up hairballs and escaping into the outdoors at inconvenient times. This is the best picture we have ever taken of her. Two weeks ago, rogue staffer Ruth Orr had control of the paper, and peppered it through with pictures of staff pets. It’s been one of our most popular issues ever. So; you want pets? We’ll give you pets! Actually your pet. Send a picture and a brief bio of whatever you call a pet, and we will run it in a future edition of the paper, depending on how many submissions we get. Send your stuff to: firstname.lastname@example.org, or drop it off at any of our three locations. Keep it to around 150 words.