Publications

Contact Us

My O’Piñon – Rinse and Spit

Lets just admit it, we are just too busy in our fast-paced lives to stop and think how valuable our teeth are. Nevertheless, they are our best friends and we owe a lot to them. While we are out here playing golf or watching Cash Cab reruns, they’re sitting there in your mouth, a foul-smelling, disgusting place devoid of any entertainment options, dealing with Cracker Jacks, Cheese-Whiz and Funyuns that you thoughtlessly give them to chew.

You should apologize to your teeth for the way you treat them. You ought to go straight to a mirror, right now and bare your teeth and look them right in the eyes and say: “I’m sorry.” You may need to practice a few times so you can say this with your teeth bared. It would be best not to let any family members especially your children see you doing this.

I know, you’re probably going to say, “I take good care of my teeth. I don’t have to apologize to my teeth.”

I thought the same thing until I started going to the dentist recently after a brief absence of ten years or so. I stopped going because I didn’t think he was trustworthy. For one thing, he and his cohorts always left the room when they took X-rays of my teeth. They would make up some weird excuse like: “I forgot to put coins in the parking meter,” or “I have to go see a man about a horse.” Then they would flip the switch and run out of the room to a lead-lined concrete bunker. When he came back, the dentist would jab me in the gums with a sharp object fifty or sixty times and then show me what he claimed were X-rays of my mouth, knowing I full well I couldn’t distinguish it from a color slide of the Lincoln Monument.

“It shows a cavity here that has to be filled,” he’d say. And he would give me this long routine they taught him in dental school, about how if it wasn’t taken care of all my teeth would fall out and I’d lose my job and end up drooling in the gutter begging for money. Then he would spend several hours drilling to make the cavity bigger. Answer me this, if the dentist is so upset about the whole in my teeth why does he spend all that time making it bigger? Does he need more money to buy those Star Trek shirts that button on one side?

That’s when the ten-year hiatus started with me. I decided I could save some money by brushing like a mad-man and jabbing myself in the gums in the privacy of my own home. Brushing after every meal was what they all said to do back then. Parents, teachers, even Bucky Beaver and Mr. Tooth Decay said it.

Never trust a talking beaver. It seems while I was home brushing and jabbing myself in the gums for ten years, the Dental Community had discovered flossing. Now they regard anyone who just brushes as a real dunderhead. Flossing does not come naturally to human beings. If the good Lord had wanted us to floss our teeth, he would have given us less self-respect.

I was about to point this out to the dentist when he gave me this gas, nitrous oxide I think he said and all of a sudden, I felt great. I began to really appreciate the Dental Community, their fancy Star Trek uniforms and all the advancements they’ve made over the years. I even forgave Bucky Beaver and Mr. Tooth Decay.

Cement plant concerns

Building inspector suggests a negotiated move out of Northlands to site near prison WALSENBURG — The Walsenburg City Council convened a special meeting Friday, March

Read More »