Most everyone by this time has thrown away their NCAA basketball bracket thanks to Loyola of Chicago and its upset-minded team.
But don’t fret: It’s time to fill out your tax form for whatever tax bracket you try to cheat your way into.
Your creativity is stretched to the limits, like when you try to claim your neighborhood children as dependents because they ate lunch at your house more than once during the calendar year.
So in order to help you through this trying time of the year, I have decided to give you a sample of the new simplified tax form you will encounter in the next few weeks.
You can use this form to estimate your 2018 fiscal tax you owe IF:
1. You are one of the following: married and filing jointly; married and not filing jointly; not married and not filing jointly; double jointed but not filing; other.
2) Your Gross Adjusted Income does not exceed your Adjusted Gross Income (except where applicable) AND you did not pay taxable interest or a dividend income prior to 1910.
Type all answers in ink with a No. 2 pencil. Do not cross anything out. Do not use abbreviations or ditto marks. Do not misspell “miscellaneous.” Write your name, address and social security number and the numbers of spouse, dependents, and anybody else you can think of on each page twice. Do not write “beats me” in any blank spaces unless it is your desire to start over from the beginning. Do not make anything up!
Under Income section, list all wages, tips, foreign taxable income royalties, capital gains, and any money found down the back of your sofa or in between car seats. Failure to comply may result in the loss of your first-born.
Complete sections 24 through 189 first, then proceed to odd-numbered sections and complete in reverse order. Do NOT use this form if your pension disbursements were greater than your speculated advanced income credits OR vice versa.
Under expenses, itemize all expenditures over $1 and attach receipts in graduated order. If applying for an oil spill allowance, enter your hat size since birth and enclose sample of largest size. Failure to do so may result in death by lethal injection.
Enter names of people you know who are Socialists or drug users on pages 546-548. (Use and attach extra pages if necessary.)
To compute your estimated tax, add lines 43 through 691, deduct line 52a and 719d from schedule 5b.
DO NOT use this form if your total pension and annuity income from fiduciary investments were greater than your advanced credits OR vice versa. If you have not received reimbursements from employee expenses, tough!
Make your check payable to “Internal Revenue Service of America and the Republic for Which It Stands/Property Management Division” and mark it attention Jared and Ivanka. Send to Tax Reception Office, Trump Towers, Suite 2400, New York City, NY.
If there are any questions about filing or you need assistance with this form, phone 1800-BzzzBzzzBzzzBzzz
I hope you have better luck with your tax bracket than your NCAA bracket.
