LA VETA — La Veta has had a real challenge holding on to deputies over the years, so I figured I would make a suggestion for a deputy with some staying power. I think La Veta should hire Newly. You know, Newly O’Brien from the old western TV show Gunsmoke. Newly had many fine qualities necessary for a good deputy. First of all, he was really cute. I think this would help immensely with the attitude of the people who get stopped for speeding or running stop signs in La Veta. I would almost be happy to get a ticket if Newly was writing it. This has the potential to be a real money maker for La Veta. Next, Newly was an all-around versatile resident of Dodge City. When he wasn’t standing in for Marshal Dillon, he was the local gunsmith. And judging by the number of Gunsmoke episodes where the good guy’s rifle got smashed over a rock by a bad guy, the gunsmith in Dodge had plenty of work to keep him busy. Newly was also learning to be a doctor. One time he
came upon an old man who was choking, and Newly cut a hole in the guy’s windpipe and put an old dusty piece of tubing in so the guy could breathe. Of course, the old guy died anyway, but it wasn’t for lack of Newly trying – although the old guy’s relatives really didn’t see it that way. But that’s how it usually went for the good guys in the old west – you couldn’t win for losing. One time Newly cut a bullet out of old Doc’s shoulder while Doc told him how to do the operation. He was very brave to give it the old Kansas-territory try. Newly was ALSO studying to be a lawyer. Apparently he could read and write, which is more than you could say for most people in Dodge City. He did a pretty fair job of defense attorney on one episode. And he was a whole lot better looking than the prosecutor. Honestly, I don’t know where Newly found the time to get educated in four different professions: lawyer, doctor, gunsmith, and of course, peace officer. He truly was an amazing guy. And I think we could use an amazing deputy like him around. Now some of you may say, “Well that’s fine and dandy, but Gunsmoke was on 55 years ago. Newly ain’t a spring chicken anymore.” So I looked up Newly on the Internet, and it turns out he’s not only a real guy, but, fortunately for La Veta, he’s still alive, which would be a plus if he were hired as a deputy. He is also even more versatile now than he was back in the 1960s, because he has added a few more professions. Newly is now an internationally famous painter. He has acted in a bunch of western movies. And I’ll bet he’s still in pretty good shape, because even before his Gunsmoke gig, he was an Olympic-level gymnast. All those talents might come in handy in La Veta. Maybe when he’s not deputying, he could run a combination medical-legal-gunsmith-gymnastics-painting business. We don’t have one of those yet.